Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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