I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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