Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize