conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
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I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize