**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize