Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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