Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize