OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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