I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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