I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your dick twin last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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