She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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