Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Couch. On fire.
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