Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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