dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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