Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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