at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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