Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

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(727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple. http://tfl.nu/vn0p

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(732): View more from New Jersey

the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on

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(732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on http://tfl.nu/v7m7

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(707): View more from California

i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.

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(707): i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present. http://tfl.nu/pwew

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day

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(502): Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day http://tfl.nu/ab75

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(706): View more from Georgia

Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.

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(706): Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus. http://tfl.nu/wtrd

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(631): View more from New York

You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone

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(631): You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone http://tfl.nu/0bcu

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

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(570): I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days. http://tfl.nu/quks

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(443): View more from Maryland

I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..

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(443): I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night.. http://tfl.nu/hua7

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(416): View more from Toronto

Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

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(416): Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender. http://tfl.nu/ts7y

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(214): View more from Texas

Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.

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(214): Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point. http://tfl.nu/okg1

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(813): View more from Florida

Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries

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(813): Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries http://tfl.nu/fs2y

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(210): View more from Texas

And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.

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(210): And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses. http://tfl.nu/edcx

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots

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(610): We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots http://tfl.nu/1mi3

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.

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(917): I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over. http://tfl.nu/bs45

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(917): View more from New York City

Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.

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(917): Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/0uc8

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