I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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