And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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