Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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