Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize