I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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