I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
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They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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