soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pooping to opera.
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