I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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