I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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