Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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