He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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