Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize