Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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