Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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