Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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