did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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