he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize