a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fuck appropriateness.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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