he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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