Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize