Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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