So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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