I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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