so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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