i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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