so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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