Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
as a side note pls kill me
how does that bad decision feel?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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