I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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