Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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