so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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