i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Mom said you looked used
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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