just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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