Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize